memoirs of a lamington

Life has been getting pretty crazy lately. I had a major panic attack the other day and it made me realize that I had been letting a select couple of people in my life affect me in a major, unhealthy way. I'm not willing to let these people affect my health and there's no reason for them to, anyway. People are entitled to their feelings and opinions and quite franctly, other people's feelings and opinions are none of my business. That's there deal, not mine. So I'm letting a lot of stuff go and already am feeling liberated. I think I was getting distracted from my path in life but have suddenly been thrown back on track. Its a good feeling :)

Is it me or does nobody use LJ anymore?

I don't want to go to work today. I just don't.

Sometimes living in Australia really fucks up my sense of time flow and seasons. Its right now early April with Easter just around the corner yet the stores are full of squash and we have a veggie garden full of pumpkins. Worse yet, there is a pagan group down the road doing a Shamain ball.

Its just really weird.

Blah I have the worst cramps in the world right now .. totally debilitating. Its easing now though because just took a handful of advil .. ah, releif.

Its all worth it though because today was a completely awesome day. Pam and I did some more filming today. The last time we went out I was sort of off my game and didn't feel like we got much worth keeping and today we actually only went out in the evening and I wasn't expectig we would find much at all but we actually saw wallaroos, kangaroos, swamp wallabies, a sick rabbit, and a kookaburra. We got everything on camera except for the wallaroo. It was super rad. The theme of the day (filmed more or less as a bush walk) was to find wallabies. As soon as we pulled up the car we saw a wallaroo and a swamp wallaby which is CRAZY because both of those species are very ellusive. We went out on a Thursday so there was virtually nobody there and we also waited until 5:00 to even look for anything at all because that's when the wallabies and kangaroos tend to come out. I also had a good idea of where to go because the head ranger had just happened to pop into my work the other day and I cornered her and made her tell me where to go lol.

At one stage we basically gave up on finding a swampy even though that was the whole point of filming that day. It was about 7:30 (the park closes at 8:00) and we were losing light anyway. We were happy with what we had got and decided just to come back another day to hopefully get a swampy on tape. Well as we were driving out, while I was looking at the footage on the camera (so I had it in my hand), we saw one! It was right on the side of the road and didn't care that we stopped for a second to film. It was just nuts. Five minutes later there was no light at all and the rangers were already coming through the park to make sure everyone had left. It just blew my mind. We have such good luck with this stuff, it is starting to feel like there are some kismet energies at work or something.

I am excited!

Today was an awesome day. Jesse has been staying with me for about a month and we hadn't made it to the beach yet so today we drove to the ocean (about two hours away) for a splash and sunbake. I beleive its autumn now but it was a gorgeous day (30C, 86F) and the drive down was really nice and the beach was perfect. It was a Friday afternoon so it wasn't packed by any means (at all) and the water was a bright brilliant blue-green color and CLEAR! I walked out into the water and had to go about four feet in before I had any trouble seeing through to the sand underneith. This time of year the water is pretty warm, too, which was beautiful :) With it so clear, though, I was seriously freaked out that I would see a shark swimming around. I was so excited to hop into the water when I first got there, though, that I didn't bother with sunscreen at all and am serioulsy regretting it now. If I stand naked in front of a mirror, it just looks like I'm wearing a white bikini. Oh and of course my ass is the most burnt thing of all (well the sides of it anyway) because my big 'ol white round ass floats above the water and was just bobbing there all day on top of my body board asking for trouble. Ah, but it was so worth it.

This is why I live here.

I'm realizing now how hard long distance relationships are. I just came back to Canberra after 2 1/2 weeks back home. I knew this new role for me at work would be exchausting and a huge challenge for me but it just was something I really couldn't pass up. Billy and I were basically doing the long distance thing at this stage and we were both just counting down the days until I would be home in May .. then the promotion happened and I agreed to stay here for anohter year. I requested 3 weeks leave before starting in the new job so that I could go home and visit him and figure out exactly where "we are." In a nutshell, it was amazing. We still have a lot of issues to work through and I am quick to get peeved sometimes so we definately had our moments but its clear that the six months apart helped us .. it made us better friends .. and we understand each other better now. Now I have no uncertainties about the state of our relationship and we both are pretty crazy about each other and just really want to be together. Right now, though, I need to be here and he needs to be there. It would be nice if he could come visit me but the money thing is just really hard and the prospect of him ever moving here is slim because he has 3 kids and would never want to live away from them. I'm still hoping I can get him out here for six months to a year some time.

We've only been apart a week now but already its really hard. I called him just now and he was over at his old foster mom's house (who is basically his best friend) and at one stage I heard her yell out "don't worry, he misses you as much as you miss him" and that was it, I turned into a waterworks (again). I hope my experience is Australia will be awesome (and I know it will be) but I also hope its that kind of awesome where time flies and before long, I'll be with him again.

I guess I am just having a sappy morning :(

How To Avoid Trapped Arm Whilst Cuddling In Bed

Our TV ad. I have only seen it online, though, would be super excited to see it on tv one night.

I'm watching that "intervention" show and this woman is drinking 10-15 minibottles of vodka a day .. wtf?! buy a big bottle!

I miss the old Rachael Ray. I wish she had never gone Harpo, its so depressing. I miss $40 a day. How am I going to get through this????

Happy Australia Day People

I've noticed recently that quite a few guys who were really hot in highschool are either fatties now or just weird looking and so many girls who were kind of awkward looking back then are now really beautiful.

I just made the best spaghetti ever. It was so weird. I was so exchausted today after hardly any sleep dealing last night with Daphne. All I wanted to do today was sleep but I havn't cooked an actual meal for myself in so long that I was determined to actually use the kitchen for something besides sterilizing tiny baby bottles. I had everything I needed for spaghetti sans fresh tomatoes which I ran out and got. I was pulling all the ingredients I would need out of the pantry and fridge and sticking them on the counter so when it would be time to start cooking in an hour, everything was already out and staring at me .. I hoped that way I wouldn't just say fuck it and go for noodles again. Anyway, so an hour later I started cooking, putting away all the ingredients after taking from the packages, bottles, etc. what I needed. I had put everything away and realized my giant bottle of sweet soy sauce was out on the counter as well. I know that it wasn't just sitting there from the last time I use it becuase the one area of my life where I am strangely OCD is in keeping everything in my pantry need and tidy .. but that's a story for when we're really desparate. Anyway, so clearly I pulled it out during my exchaustion-fueled cooking prep .. either that or something pulled it out for me which lately wouldn't suprise me at all .. again, another story for another time. Anyway, so I thought to myself "well maybe this is one of those psycho psychic things" and decide to put a good blob of it it (my sweet soy sauce totally blobs out of the bottle, its made with molasses, its awesome). Then out of nowhere I heard "apple cider vinegar" in my head. It was my own voice but came from nowhere so again I thought "what the fuck, I'll try it" and in the end my spaghetti ROCKED!! Now I want to write a "kitchen intuition" cook book .. the only problem is none of the recipes would be complete, lol. I'm excited that the voices in my head are being productive for once!!

It had taken me so long to use my garlic that it had actually sprouted in the cupboard. I decided to take the clove with the sprout in it outside and I stuck it in some dirt next to where we grow the potatoes. It would be awesome if it turned into millions of baby garlics :D

Daphne seems to be improving today. She still has gastric but much less so and her poos now smell like her milk and not like rotting stomach lining. Horah.

Here are a few pics of me and my baby. We actually found out the other day that she is harboring a nasty parasite which is why she has been rapidly losing weight. It is critical that she receive now round the clock care which means very little sleep for me but that is the last thing I'm thinking about now. If any of you could send a little prayer or kind thought her way, I'd really be grateful :)

I wish I could afford to come home for just like a week or something. I miss my friends and I miss my boy :(

Life has been spinning at record speed lately. Today I was interviewed (very briefly) for three tv news stations (ABC, WIN, and Chanel 2) while showing off Daphne, my baby wombat, to the cameras. We are in desparate need of wombat enclosures and are hoping the media stuff might bring in a little funding for that. Assuming no mass murders or anything happen in the next few hours, the segments will air tonight on the 5:00, 6:00, and 7:00 news! Yay for my superstar womby :D

Also, its been a sad time lately because my grandad passed away about two weeks ago. I am the only relative of my grandmother who lives anywhere near here and unfortunately she doesn't have friends either. My grandad was her whole life and she feels cheated and lost with him gone. Her brother was in town when he actually passed and I'm so grateful for that because he clearly is a major support for her. She told him many times that if it weren't for him she wouldn't be able to get through this. And I know also that its been very good for her to have me here. I am very happy to be living in Canberra right now because otherwise she'd be basically all alone. I would hate to see that hapen. The day he died my uncle, grandad's son, flew in and together we organized the funeral and enjoyed a few days of looking at old photos and sharing memories. My mum flew in right before the funeral and will be here for a few weeks to help get my grandma on track with bills, etc. which is really good.

Daphne has had diarrhea for over a week now and with that ontop of everything else I have going on, I've come down with a nasty bug and keep losing my voice off and on. I've actually had three days off sick from work which is very unusual for me. Things will settle though, they always do. We have started filming more wildlife stuff out here and I am super anxious to get going on that again soon.

I wih I could come home for Christmas though. I'm feeling a little homesick, lately :(

Holy crap, its December.

Oh and I'm now the proud mum of a baby wombat. Her name is Daphne and she is six months old which means she has all her fur and is really super freaking cute!! Photos to come! She's about the same size as this one in my avatar though.

Assuming everything goes well, she should be getting ready to live in the wombat enclosure at the RSPCA by the time I go back to America (assuming I do) in May. And after several months there will get released back into the wild.

I AM WORN THE FUCK OUT!